Welcome to 100 Ways to Die in Space
Hi there bloggies, welcome to a new and fun little feature – 100 ways to die in space. Taking inspiration from a million ways to die in the west I’ll be taking a somewhat tongue in cheek at the many and various ways that space is somewhat unkind to the average human being and it pretty effective at killing them very quickly. Step aboard and see what happens, just don’t come on wearing a red top!
Method 12 – Spacecraft Failure
Just imagine it – our intrepid space travellers have conquered all the odds, they have made it to their distant destination. They have collected samples, planted flags and carried out experiments and are ready to go home.
The spaceship does not and will not work.
This is a disappointment. With all the redundancy built into these craft something has become tragically wrong, either that or Major Tom got carried away during a Moon walk and the key slipped out of his pocket. Either way they’re stuck.
Like the sole explorer getting left behind there isn’t a great deal anyone can do in this situation. There is no space lifeboat to come and pick them up and they’re not going anywhere. What is different is they’re all doing it together. There’s not a great deal of joy in that.
But what can be done to prevent this? Well getting Major Tom to tie the key around his neck is one idea, if only for the fact that you can strangle him if he keeps on being annoying. The other thing is… well there isn’t another thing really. If it don’t work you’re kinda stuck. Or words to that effect.
Most things that happen like this are due to user error, which is comforting in a way becasue if they’re done something wrong then it’s a bit of natural selection in play here but if not then the person responsible is likely still breathing air, eating food and drinking water back on Earth.
It’s a slim comfort.
© Simon Farnell 2013 – 2023
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Simon's Space 
I have a question about their space suits. They are supposed to be designed to withstand just about everything, but do they have fart filters? I’m guessing some of that space food can develope quite a head of steam. A good filter might prevent an abnormal toxic situation for Major Tom. 🤣
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That’s a good question… I hadn’t thought of that. I know the slave for is totally absorbed by the body so maybe there aren’t farts.
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Yikes! No space lifeboat?
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Nope… it’s tough.
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“You’ve flooded the engine–just give it a minute!” That’s what my dad would say:-)
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Yeah I can imagine my Dad saying that too lol
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lol you’re a comedian and I didn’t know it 🙂
Beggar Capt Tom and that blasted key!
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Ah yes well… There you go 😂
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🙂
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Last year I listened to a ten episode especially written drama for Audible Books called ‘The Sea in The Sky’ in which this very issue played a part.
Well written, acted and produced. Brilliant.
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I have to say despite the cost I do like audible. I’ll have to look that up
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It’s free!
Go to ‘Audio Original Podcasts’ > ‘Storytelling, drama and fiction’ and you’ll find it.
There’s quite a little treasure trove in the Original Podcasts section
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Ohhh, that’s not a good way to go. That’ll teach Major Tom to go skipping around in less-than-earth gravity 😂
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Yeah I know he’s a bit silly 😂
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I’m guessing Major Tom is one of those guys who used to go park with his girlfriend in some dark place and played the radio with the key set to run on the battery to save gas. Consequently, while he and his squeeze were playing doctor in the back seat, he ran the battery down. His saving grace there was he could push the car fast enough for Squeeze to dump the clutch and bump start it.
In space…”It ain’t gonna happen, Jack!” Before blast off at home, strip him of all of his George Strait CD’s.
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Yeah that’s about the size of it. Kinda a cross between James bond and Mr Bean 😂
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