Welcome to 100 Ways to Die in Space

Hi there bloggies, welcome to a new and fun little feature – 100 ways to die in space. Taking inspiration from a million ways to die in the west I’ll be taking a somewhat tongue in cheek at the many and various ways that space is somewhat unkind to the average human being and it pretty effective at killing them very quickly. Step aboard and see what happens, just don’t come on wearing a red top!

Method 1 – Moving too Slowly.

The thing is with space is you have to get there, to do this you need some kind of spacecraft and you have to be moving fast enough in order to escape the gravitational pull off the planet while also moving the mass of the spacecraft and everything on board.

Many reading this might argue that this should not be included in one of the many ways to die in space as the poor sod hasn’t got there yet but in order to get into space this has to happen so ironically – it flies.

Because of the intricacies around this science it doesn’t take much for someone to slip up – improper weigh in, sneaked on a gorilla costume or one too many pork pies before lift off it all amounts to the same thing. If you’re not moving fast enough you ain’t going to get there and this generally doesn’t turn into a happy ending.

It doesn’t take much to imagine the terror as the fuel runs out on the space vehicle, looking out desperately trying to work out what to do – and all becasue you packed that gorilla suit as a jape to scare the willies out of someone else on the station for lols.

The general procedure in this case is to jump out or you’ll find yourself scattered over a fairly wide area so the thing to do here is simple. Make sure there’s enough fuel on board, keep off the pork pies and don’t pack the extra gorilla suit. It makes sense and avoid costly crashes. People tend to get upset when rockets crash as they cost a few bob.

© Simon Farnell 2020


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