Annoying and irritating customers are a universal constant. This happens a lot when life forms become hungry and irritated. What do do about this has caused problems for food establishment owners and managers for all of time. Back on Earth in the time of primates a meaty joint would often result in the death of whoever was holding it. This practice couldn’t continue becasue it meant customers would be on the decline.
Fortunately things have moved on this area except for the fact that irritated hungry customers still seems to think they can jump queues and take food without paying. A study performed on this has decided that this won’t end soon. No further investigation has been requested.
“My, my she has got her knickers in a twist hasn’t she?” Flartislap murmured somewhat amused by the hysterical tirade. Flartislap walked over to Gaz, trading over the mess of cakes and sausage rolls that had strewn themselves over the floor. He looked at Boris “I think we might need some more cakes there old chap! Ape man, I think some more sausage rolls are in order too.”
Ralph gave him an unimpressed stare but proceeded to do as he was asked. The cleaner robots were out again cleaning up a mass of cream cakes, meat and pastry into a rather disgusting looking mess.
Flartislap took the microphone from Gaz “Listen here you sour face, rude old baggage. I don’t care who you think you are but if you don’t get in line and keep the music down then I’ll bar you!”
“You wouldn’t dare you old fool!” May once again screamed down the pa system. “You have no idea of what I’m capable of!”
“Oh! I’m so scared. What am I going to do now?” Flartislap mocked as he pointed instructions to one of the cleaner bots who promptly entered the messy contents of what had been cleared up into a chute.
“Don’t mock me – I’ve been waiting to re-fuel my ship and get back to the business of conquering the local star systems for longer than I care to think of. I need all of these stupid immigrant idiots to get out of my way so I can get on with it!”
“Let me help a little.” Flartislap grinned from ear to ear as he looked down at a small console and then hit a button. A hiss of air was heard and something shot out towards the spacecraft.
“There, I hope you enjoy cream cake, pasty and sausage roll. With my compliments!”
Teresa’s tone changed from aggressive to desperate “What have you done?” She screamed. “My spatial drive intercooler as clogged up now!” She could be heard yelling orders to her crew and getting more than a bit irate. ” How could you possibly disable my warship with cream cakes and sausage rolls?”
“Seasoned experience you old baggage!” Flartislap scoffed. “I’ll send a robo tug to tow you!”
“You’re going to bring her in?!?” Miranda shrieked.
“Don’t be silly my dear. I said I would tow them but I didn’t say to where! Now let’s get back to business here, ape man seems to have got the hang of modern cooking, our cake maid is doing well and all we need now is to get…” Flartuislap tailed off.
Looking at the two tapians he watched as one washed up the cups and plates and things and then threw them half way across the bar to the other who caught every single one. Not a single thing was smashed. What made this even more incredible is that neither one was making eye contact at was as if they were two different arms of the same body.
“My… that’s clever! Where do you say they come from?”
“They’re tapians, they got lost on a mission to measure the universe.” Miranda explained.
“Can they stay lost and help me out here?”
“Not likely.” Miranda nodded in their direction. “They’re about the most wanted pair of lifeforms in the known universe.”
“Been naughty have they?” Flartislap chuckled.
“They ran off with a tape measure.”
“Ooh, naughty boys!” Flartislap chuckled again.
“I had to find them to help me, after this I have to take them back to my father the emperor to keep them safe.”
“Right little princess aren’t we?” Flartislap mocked.
“High princess actually.” Miranda corrected.
“Do forgive me!” Flartislap grinned.
“I hate the title.” Miranda continued. “It’s something I’ve been given, I’ve not earned it.”
Flartislap went off to see how things were going, he could hear Ralph complaining about being called an ape man for the hundredth time, Boris seemed t o be a superb cake main and he showed the Tapians how to make an intergalactic espresso which they seemed to be only too pleased to learn.
Miranda walked around to the quick stop booth, Harry was munching into a Mars bar, as soon as she appeared Harry tried to look innocent. “I caught you!”
“Mmm – mm wmhamt?” Harry mumbled.
“Stop eating the stock!”
“They’re still good – even after a million years. I don’t get that!” A cleaner robot zoomed up to him and took the wrapper and zoomed off.
“In only a few minutes this is going to be up and running again. All that looking for long long and finally the only intergalactic service station in this sector of the galaxy will be doing it job. How does that feel?”
“It’s been a faff if I’m honest.” Harry admitted glumly.
“I know, but you made it harder than it needed to be.”
“Oh – get over it!” So I summoned half the warships in the galaxy here by trying to pretend I was a borian dictator. Will I live it down?”
“One day maybe. I think I’ve aged to an old woman on this mission.” Miranda sighed.
“They should go away now.”
“Not until they’ve got what they wanted from here. The humans will also wonder what to do with a huge starship service station that’s sucking energy from the Earth’s core. When they work that out they won’t be happy!”
“What about the human. When will we put him back?”
“I was thinking about taking him with us actually.”
Harry seemed unimpressed with this, and made all kind of grumpy noises about it as he set out the Twix’s and the Kitkats. Flartislap wandered over with a communi-tab in his hand.
“I think you better see this” Flartislap suggested, half mocking half serious. “It seems the rest of the ape men down there are not happy that we’re here and sucking the energy out of their planet. They want us to stop of they’re going to ‘nuke’ us according to this Donald chap. Is this serious?”
Miranda looked at him, eyes wide.
“Yeah. I would say so!”
To be continued…
©Simon Farnell 2018
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