The Unique Blogger Award

I got a nice little message from Colleen Ackerman yesterday, she had nominated me for the unique blogger award. Colleen is a very talented an poetic writer and all of you should really go over and have a look at what she’s up to! Thanks for nominating me Colleen – I really appreciate it and I also appreciate the sentiment of being unique!

 

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The rules for this award are:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and include a link to their blog.
2. Include one meme and one quote you really like.
3. Nominate 8-13 bloggers to receive this award.
4. Ask your nominees 3 UNIQUE questions.
5. Add a link to the awards creator.

 

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The Meme I Really Like

 

This is something I see every so often and seriously it brings me to tears every time!

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT LAUGHING LIKE AN IDIOT IN A RESTAURANT

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit if a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

Originally Shared by our friends GRUNTS 11 Bravo, U.S. Infantry Soldiers and Awesome Shit My Drill SGT. Said

 

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The One Quote I Really Like

 

Enough said …

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The Bloggers I Have Nominated

discoveringsooz

therosequartz

bloggingforme

megan722blog

fabulouswithglitches

clairehuston

brownsemts

mytwosentences

erikakind

booksandbakes1

 

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The 3 Unique Questions They Must Answer

1. Use three words to describe you.
2. If there was one job you could do for the rest of your life – what would it be?
3. You’re going to be dumped on a desert island for a year and can take three things with you – what are they?

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My Answers To The 3 Questions From Colleen

1. If I was going to be re-incarnated as an animal I would come back as a cat – it seems like a nice life!
2. I tend to find on the spot problem solving is a good skill of mine, but maybe more specifically is fixing electronic things, like phone, tablets, computers, cars etc.
3. Success is something that’s achieve when someone keeps trying but doesn’t give up! It comes to some easier than others

I hope you enjoy this – nominees don’t have to take part, but it would be great if they did!

Simon 🙂

 

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