I behave randomly… I will do my own thing and I will go my own way if that’s what I decide. But… maybe today I won’t. Maybe today I’ll walk with you to share the ride and see what it’s like. Don’t expect me to behave in the way that you think. I might, but it depends.
Don’t think that because you are following the masses that I will follow you. If you see my back while walking away, I’m not lost. I’m finding my own way. Maybe I think it’s shorter, or that it’s somehow better. But if I get halfway down and it’s not what I need… I’ll turn and follow you instead.
Am I awkward? Am I just contradicting the crowd? Perhaps I’m trying to find another way just because I can and it will be better doing it this way. If I don’t try I won’t know. Where’s the harm in doing what everyone else isn’t. Going the other way round means that I can see all your faces rather than your backs. Ask me why if you like, but there may not be an answer. The crowd moves in it’s own way and I move in mine. Am I sheep choosing to go it alone sometimes, or the wolf moving with the crowd when I want?
I’ve learned the opinions of others shouldn’t dictate my thinking, I’ve often found it doesn’t help and the people that dictate to you are no better or wiser. They certainly won’t stick by you if their way of thinking gets tough, I’ve watched as they have hidden away in any place they can. So if I agree with you, it because it’s what I think, but if I don’t it’s not personal. It’s a another part of my awkward way of thinking.
I slip up all the time, not physically although that has been known to happen. No, I make mistakes ALL – THE – TIME. But I will try not to make the same mistake twice. Many who have been educated to a higher degree than I have haven’t learned that one. They’ve been to their great universities, I’ve come from the university of hard knocks and it shows sometimes.
Some people look at me and either can’t or don’t want to work me out, they think I’m too soft or change my mind with the wind. To them I say this: We have but one life on this Earth. We weren’t put here to work all the time to pay bills or to live someone else’s way. We’re here to try and make the best of what we’ve been given, to love those around us as much as we can, to solve problems and not make more or make them worse. So often I see people wrapped up in their ways that they cannot see the other perspectives, they close their minds to other possibilities. No one is perfect – especially not me. But I have a gift, to be flexible, think about things another way to help or encourage. Sure, I’m no perfectionist, but I’ve met a few of those and I’ve never seen a more miserable person than the perfectionist.
So, take my imperfect, random and contradictory self as I am. I’m not going to change because you want, but I won’t stay the same either.